Another list that has circulated for years comes (supposedly) from a major insurance company. Clients were asked to give a brief statement on an accident claim form describing what had happened.
“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions,” wrote one bewildered driver.
“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.” I’m sure this just didn’t come out quite like the author intended. Surely not.
“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.” And maybe the driver’s head? You can’t help but wonder.
“I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.” Huh? Hit me with an espresso, please, and quick, because I’m not getting this.
“To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian,” wrote another claimant. By all means, let’s not dent the bumper. But a civilian’s legs? Oh, well.
“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over,” another driver clarified. At this rate, pedestrians will be the next species to head into extinction.
“I was on my way to an appointment with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.” OK. I can identify with this in a very figurative sense. Personally, I find that too little sleep and no caffeine will have my universal whatever-whatever giving way long before noon. I know the feeling, buddy.
“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth,” complained another driver. And unless I miss my guess, a very irritating finger that incited a case of road rage.