Goshen News, Goshen, IN

Life

September 9, 2013

GROUNDS FOR INSANITY: Sometimes Mr. GPS can’t find the funny in his honey

Mr. Schrock came wired with it. In an odd twist of fate, genetics or some inexplicable cosmic mutation, he was born with a unit in place.

Why he showed up in Labor and Delivery like that is beyond me. Before he ever wore a diaper, he had a Garmin. I am not even kidding. Put that guy in a dark room, spin him around ’til he sees the moon, the stars and the other eight planets, and he’ll find the North Star. Then from there, he’ll get us to the closest Krispy Kreme or wherever the, uh, emergency is, and he’s the hero.

I, on the other hand, was only born beneath the North Star. Wait. Maybe it was a more southern one. Anyway, I showed up in Labor and Delivery, dismally lacking any GPS capabilities whatsoever. Put me in a dark room and spin me around until I’m seeing the entire solar system, and it will take me two days to find the door. By then, the donuts are gone, the hot light is off and I’m not the hero. It stinks from here to Kalamazoo, but there it is.

I wish I were more cat like. Cats, we all know, can be thrown up 10 feet, dropped from the fourth floor or flung from an ancient Greek catapult and still land on their feet. Why? And how? To pull that off, you have to know which way is up (that’s north) and which way is down (that’s south). Most days, this is more than I am able to discern, although the fog clears marginally after some coffee. (Marginally. I said marginally.)

Seeing, then, that I wasn’t born with a fur suit and an unerring instinct for direction, it was terribly smart of me to marry a fellow with the aforementioned system. And it was terribly kind of him to purchase a smart phone for this not-feline, teaching me how to download apps (like Starbucks, say) so I can find the nearest store. Meow.

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Life
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  • Briefly GOSHENCripe reunion set for Aug. 16Anyone with an ancestor who was a Cripe is invited to attend the Cripe reunion Aug. 16 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at West Goshen Church of the Brethren, 1200 Berkey Ave. in Goshen.At 10 a.m., speaker Jerry Cripe will giv

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  • stephanie price column sig WHOLE FAMILY: Adapting a pledge I can truly honor “I solemnly pledge myself … in the presence of this assembly to practice my profession faithfully. I will safeguard my clients and the public when health care and safety are at stake. I vow to adhere to the legal and ethical principles of the profess

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  • THE NATURALIZED MID-AMERICAN: Master wood craftsman shows the inner beauty of trees I am still surprised by the beauty I see in these lengths of wood, and suppose I always will be. They are testament to the carefully-wrought, intricate, and deep craft of creation. They are testament to Don’s generous craftsmanship, too — for which I am very grateful — which was an expression of the joyful Craft that created him. He and those beautiful boards were cut from the same living tree.

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  • Briefly ELKHART‘Dog Daze of Summer’ Aug. 2The Pillars of Elkhart will host the fourth annual Dog Daze of SummerAug. 2 from 5 to 11 p.m. at the Civic Plaza in downtown Elkhart. Dog Daze will feature two local bands, High Gravity and MR Z Band. Hot Dog vendors

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  • GN140726 Queen Kaahumanu GLOBAL FAITHS: Hawaiians' conversion to Christianity helped women A recent trip to Hawaii to visit family drew my attention again to Hawaiian religion. Original Hawaiians are Polynesians who came to Hawaii from Tahiti, Samoa, Easter Island and other Pacific islands between 500 and 1300 A.D. These Hawaiians were polytheists who worshiped and built shrines to various nature deities. But on the big island of Hawaii they came to revere especially Pele, the fierce and violent goddess of volcanoes.

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  • Briefly SYRACUSEThe Book of Job presentation Aug. 1The public is invited to experience the Book of Job at a one-man dramatization by the Rev. Dave Marty Aug. 1 at 7 p.m. The event will take place in the auditorium of the Oakwood Resort Event Center, 702 E. L

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  • THE PLAIN SIDE: A hunter finds his delight in God's nature with deer There, in the grass, lies a 12-point buck that the neighbor hit with his van. You quickly estimate the deer at 170 or better. No way. You ask a few tight-lipped questions and yes, the driver affirms the direction the deer was going. He points a still

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