Goshen News, Goshen, IN

Life

March 18, 2012

In case of zombies, run for the roof — leave all behind

GOSHEN — These days, there are few things that scare me to the core. I’ve learned to co-exist for a short time with the winter influx of mice that seek shelter in our home-until the sticky traps and D-Con claim their little, furry lives.

I smile knowingly at their twitchy, whiskered faces when I see one, knowing that if the cat doesn’t eat their gizzards, the traps and poision will soon make them wish they’d never sneaked indoors. Snakes no longer scare me either, unless they sneak up on me and startle me with their deadpan, glazed-over stare and swoosh noise as they slide through the grass trying to get away. Spiders aren’t scary, just really gross, and squashing them is a pleasure.

If you listen to the “experts,” in a lifetime most of us will swallow 10 or so spiders while we sleep. Ick.

There is one thing I can’t seem to get over lately, a fairly new scary thing for me and that’s zombies.

Laugh if you must, but lately, zombies are all the rage. They’re on television shows, movies and even appearing in photographs as they stalk unsuspecting victims who haven’t been infected by the secret virus our government is concocting to reduce the world population — if you believe such things, which my husband doesn’t. He scoffs at my pleas to join me in preparation for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.

I’ve always been a fan of scary movies, usually ones with plots very far removed from the real world.

It’s a fact that people are searching for a Sasquatch as we speak, but I’m less than concerned one will be discovered in Millersburg — unless they happen to photograph me before 8 a.m. on my way to the mailbox, which never happens.

I’m not worried about a vampire takeover because I love to cook with garlic. And werewolves, well, they’re not indigenous species in my area either.

Now zombies can be anywhere, just waiting to grab you, steal your brain and have you join their crew of staggering derelicts-much like the current crop of presidential hopefuls we’re reviewing.

I’ve graduated to quazi-zombie status because I’ve infected the desire to view my favorite show to my two children.

When 9 p.m. arrives on Sunday night, three of us, at our respective homes are tuned in waiting to see what happens next. Then we’ll talk about it all week long.

At 9 p.m. that same Sunday you’ll find my slightly annoyed husband retired to the bedroom, watching anything but zombies and leaving me alone and susceptible to surprise attack by the night walkers.

By 10 p.m. I’m thoroughly paranoid and certain a mob of angry zombies has invaded the mud room, waiting for me to open the door.

Of course this is the same time Charlie needs to go outside for the last time.

I let him out quickly, locking the door behind him and I stand guard, broom in hand. I hope Charlie can run fast if the walking dead suddenly materialize from behind the garage and around the back side of the barn because I’ll be grabbing the ammunition and mounting a sniper attack from the roof after I crawl out our upstairs window. It’s a well known fact that zombies aren’t good climbers. Sorry, Charlie.

Text Only
Life
  • PLAIN SIDE: A hearty parlor tussle with Pictionary Pictionary. You play it? I've always enjoyed the game -- my lack of artistic skills notwithstanding. Calvin and his family take it to another level though. If we play with them, we holler, we shiver, we jump, we scream, we cheer and we groan. Calvin'

    April 19, 2014

  • Mile and miles of memories

    Sam and his first car, Xenia, a 2005 Scion xB.

    Saying good bye to a car isn't easy for a gearhead.

    April 18, 2014

  • David Suchet as Hercule Poirot.jpg Easter crime mysteries? Some Easter traditions go beyond chocolate bunnies Visions of chocolate candies, Easter bunnies and the risen Christ come to mind this Easter season -- at least in the United States. But what about the rest of the world? Here are a few traditions and surprises.

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • At the game with Ernie

    Baseball on radio brings the imagination alive

    April 13, 2014

  • There are many ways to measure success It yields a virtual sea of books, talks and podcasts; classes, seminars and sermons; pointers, tips and 10-step lists; and gaggles of guides that promise the seven secrets to it. The "it," of course, is success. A dictionary definition? Easy: the ach

    April 13, 2014

  • FEA GN140413 dick lehman 08 Passion for pottery

    Passion for pottery BY SAM HOUSEHOLDER sam.householder@goshennews.com

    Dick Lehman has spent his 33-year career as a potter learning how to see.

    Lehman has built a successful career despite no formal, traditional pottery training.

    April 13, 2014 6 Photos

  • FEA GN0411 tom yoder column image Winter leaves yards with trouble spots Each and every year the majority of us are faced with some sort of horticultural problem that exists, has existed, or we're worried that it could become a problem in our future. Every year, and predominantly in the spring, I receive calls from homeow

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Electing sheriffs best way to protect rights DEAR SHERIFF: I have heard of proposed Indiana legislation in the last few years to elect one county executive who would appoint the sheriff and essentially remove the sheriff from being elected. What is your opinion on such legislation? ANSWER: The

    April 11, 2014

  • stephanie price column sig [Duplicate] 'Can I spend the night?' Just say 'no'

    Have I mentioned I’m a morning person? Love those early, early hours. They’re fresh and sweet, much like a newborn baby — quiet, gentle, promising. Oh-five-hundred is my finest hour, and coffee goes best with a sunrise.

    April 7, 2014 1 Photo

  • Kingsley, Aaron Sawatsky COLUMN: Scientists say climate to deteriorate faster than expected Scientists say climate to deteriorate faster than expected By AARON SAWATSKY-KINGSLEY Columnist

    April 6, 2014 1 Photo

Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
AP Video
Raw: Greeks Celebrate Easter With "Rocket War" Police Question Captain, Crew on Ferry Disaster Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Ceremony Marks 19th Anniversary of OKC Bombing Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria Raw: Massive 7.2 Earthquake Rocks Mexico Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Raw: Church Tries for Record With Chalk Jesus Raw: Faithful Celebrate Good Friday Worldwide Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest
Poll

There has been discussion at West Goshen Elementary School to require mandatory student uniforms in the future. How do you feel about the prospect of mandatory student uniforms in a public school environment?

I think it’s an excellent idea that is way overdue
I think it’s a bad idea and would be restrictive for students and parents.
     View Results