Goshen News, Goshen, IN

Life

November 26, 2012

RHONDA SCHROCK: Dreaming of life where ‘The Shimmy’ isn’t needed

“The patient is an FBI agent investigating terrorism.” That’s what the doctor said as I sped along, typing a referral letter.

Wait. FBI agent? Investigating terrorism? Well, rats. Here I was thinking I was just a mother and a housewife who typed medical reports and wrote a column and edited a magazine. My resume seemed awfully full already without adding another job to the list.

Terrorism, huh? What else was it when a certain teenager cornered a sibling, brandishing a toothbrush? When said sibling found himself on his back, thrashing and squalling as the brush approached his jaws?

If you were threatened with a sound brushing with another fellow’s brush, it shattered the peace that quick and brought disunity to the community. If you were a mom and you heard that report, it behooved you to investigate. Which made you the director of the MBI (Maternal Bureau of Investigation) even if you hadn’t interviewed for that position. Well, rats.

Community unity. This was a big deal in any household. But it was critical if you were a family of six shoehorned into a 1550-square-foot house with no room to swing a cat. The attributes of peace and love got real important in such a case. Make that peace, love and lowering the toilet lid.

In a kitchen with the square footage of a hot pad, one open cupboard door was a real disruption. “How hard can this be?” I’d sighed countless times on my way past the pantry.

If you factored in the scientific angles, averaging in the laws of gravity and the mechanics of levers, it took far less force to push a door shut than it did to pull it open. Unless there was some unknown genetic syndrome at work, such as CPL (Convenient Paralysis of the Limbs), it was sheer negligence. And that was a small, but maddening pea beneath my mattress.

Between the sneakers, the LEGOs and the matchbox cars that littered the floors, it was a land mine. A broken foot waiting to happen. A test of one’s vocabulary, and it brought disunity to our tightly-packed community.

Another trouble spot was the downstairs bathroom. It was fine if you were flying solo, but if you weren’t, well, it behooved you to look lively and step sharp.

It was called The Sunday Morning Shimmy. They didn’t teach classes for it, but they should.

Forget the grace and beauty of couples gliding across vast ballroom floors in tuxes and gowns. For him? Hair neatly groomed, five o’clock shadow erased. And for her? Hair piled high with tendrils and curls.

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Life
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  • Briefly GOSHENCripe reunion set for Aug. 16Anyone with an ancestor who was a Cripe is invited to attend the Cripe reunion Aug. 16 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at West Goshen Church of the Brethren, 1200 Berkey Ave. in Goshen.At 10 a.m., speaker Jerry Cripe will giv

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  • stephanie price column sig WHOLE FAMILY: Adapting a pledge I can truly honor “I solemnly pledge myself … in the presence of this assembly to practice my profession faithfully. I will safeguard my clients and the public when health care and safety are at stake. I vow to adhere to the legal and ethical principles of the profess

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  • THE NATURALIZED MID-AMERICAN: Master wood craftsman shows the inner beauty of trees I am still surprised by the beauty I see in these lengths of wood, and suppose I always will be. They are testament to the carefully-wrought, intricate, and deep craft of creation. They are testament to Don’s generous craftsmanship, too — for which I am very grateful — which was an expression of the joyful Craft that created him. He and those beautiful boards were cut from the same living tree.

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  • Briefly ELKHART‘Dog Daze of Summer’ Aug. 2The Pillars of Elkhart will host the fourth annual Dog Daze of SummerAug. 2 from 5 to 11 p.m. at the Civic Plaza in downtown Elkhart. Dog Daze will feature two local bands, High Gravity and MR Z Band. Hot Dog vendors

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  • Briefly SYRACUSEThe Book of Job presentation Aug. 1The public is invited to experience the Book of Job at a one-man dramatization by the Rev. Dave Marty Aug. 1 at 7 p.m. The event will take place in the auditorium of the Oakwood Resort Event Center, 702 E. L

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  • THE PLAIN SIDE: A hunter finds his delight in God's nature with deer There, in the grass, lies a 12-point buck that the neighbor hit with his van. You quickly estimate the deer at 170 or better. No way. You ask a few tight-lipped questions and yes, the driver affirms the direction the deer was going. He points a still

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