But back to the list. If I were a politician, my fondest wish would be for poll numbers so high even Gallup would gasp. Not kidding here. Everyone knows that getting a gasp out of Gallup is big. It is, and it bodes really well for your chances in the mid terms. It makes your opponent sweat and develop nervous tics, all of which help your cause.
Yes, if Santa would slip some stratospheric poll numbers in my stocking, I’d give him a little peck on the cheek and go back to kissing babies and all the other stuff they have to do to win. If I were a pol, that is.
I know exactly what I’d ask for if I was a pastor. All I’d want for Christmas is a year — an entire year — of unity in the ‘hood. Of peace and harmony and love in the brotherhood. That’s all.
No sniping about who took whose bench. No griping about who soloed last. No swiping at another’s reputation or spouse. Just Christian love and getting along. Such unity and compassion in every congregation would create (it would) a new and stronger nation. Not to mention a happy, relaxed pastor no longer tempted to, uh, over-baptize certain ornery members. Raise your hand if you know what I mean.
That’s what I’d ask for if I was a preacher. But if I were a policeman, I’d have a different request. I’d ask for a liberal dose of the fear of the Almighty to be infused into every citizen. Even just a bit of this would go a long way toward cutting down the crime rate. Instead of wanting to be bad, the bad guys would want to be good. And if all the bad guys were good, there’d be no more shooting, looting, hooting or general disturbing of the people’s peace.